Give Me Love
by prisonerofsasskaban
Summary: Rachel had no idea what she was expecting would happen when she came home after graduating college, but it certainly wasn't this. Rachel/Paul, settling into the imprint with a trip to Hawaii to visit Rebecca. Rated T for mild mockery of Jacob Black, some fluffy stuff and cursing.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** **This idea has been rooting around in my brain for years - I've had a segment saved on my phone since fall 2015 - and just over a month ago while I was studying for my finals Paul and Rachel started bugging the hell out of me. I couldn't sleep some nights because they wouldn't shut up. So I finally put in the work and this little thing started to take shape.**

 **Characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but I'm doing my own thing with them. I think it's tragic that the Blacks as a family unit got such little airtime and I just want to do the twins justice.**

 **So this is my take on how Paul and Rachel would have settled into their imprint (or, rather, me trying to reconcile the concept of imprints in my own head, because I still resent the direction that SM took them in). This takes place right after Eclipse, so it's summer 2006. Title inspiration from the Ed Sheeran song, but I decided on it after listening to the Alex G cover non-stop so you should go give it a listen too. Enjoy!**

* * *

My brother didn't come to my graduation.

Dad said he had a minor motorcycle accident but what worried me more was how blasé he was about it all. Any little scrape or headache was enough to get Sue Clearwater on the phone when we were growing up, especially after Mom died.

The car ride home (though I hadn't been back in over a year, it hardly felt like home) was long enough for me to come up with any number of explanations for Jake's absence. It was probably a dumb high schooler thing, I thought, he just didn't want to make the drive up and maybe it served me right for staying at school over Christmas break.

The guilt I still felt over that was enough to keep me from going into a panic on the spot. I was the most careful driver I knew; I didn't even listen to music unless it was full daylight and I knew exactly how to get to my destination.

I was able to keep my cool until I realized that not only had Jake actually broken several ribs, but he hadn't even seen a proper doctor. _Then_ I went into a full on panic.

I couldn't tell you now what I was thinking when I heard our back door swing open. I remember my dad trying to talk me down, and I was standing by the sink, and then I heard my dad sigh.

A lot of that day is a blur to me now but I remember, in that instant, feeling like I hadn't come back to the same place. I felt out of place in the home I had grown up in.

I had known him in passing when we were kids—even as a middle schooler, his reputation had preceded him—but it wasn't until I heard my dad say his name that I was able to place him. He was bigger, like Jake, who in the last six months had somehow outgrown the twin bed he'd slept in since he was a toddler.

He looked me in the eyes and I felt the earth drop out from under me.

 _Paul_.

 _I knew coming home would be hard, but holy shit._

* * *

The rational part of my brain knew that this was a dangerous path to be going down. From the little I could get out of Jake, I knew that this all had to do with Sam Uley ( _asshole_ ) and that was all I needed to hear to know that it wasn't worth getting involved with. I wanted to make sure he healed, that he and my dad were eating well, and of course spend time with them. I had missed them, but I also needed to start apartment hunting in Seattle. I didn't plan to stay.

Paul started coming around more, saying he was there for Jake, but from the look on my brother's face I didn't believe that was true.

And—shallow, I know—but he was a handsome guy. He looked at me like he gave a shit and wasn't pushy, which surprised me because with that face I didn't think he had heard the word 'no' very much. Jake was in a constant bad mood and bedridden, but Paul was patient with him. As someone who had been a target of Jake's occasional outbursts going up I knew that was no small feat.

But it just wasn't rational to entertain any kind of thirst towards someone who had barely been going through puberty when I was graduating high school. Who was…one year older than Jake? _Seventeen_. Damn. He didn't look it, and I knew that seventeen was technically of age in Washington, but even those thoughts made me feel like a creep.

I was an adult. I knew what I was supposed to be doing, and that didn't involve back-pedaling to chasing high school boys. I had my degree a year early, I had a job lined up, and now…this. Of course, I didn't know exactly what 'this' was for a few days, until the supernatural bomb was finally dropped on me.

Those few days between me meeting Paul and him explaining why his mere presence made the pit in my stomach disappear were some of the most confusing in my life. I didn't know why his smile or his stupid jokes felt like a reason to stay in La Push forever.

* * *

"I know you're a big college grad now and everything, but you seem different."

Leah had been one of my best friends growing up but I had neglected her while I was at school, like everything else. My dad had insisted that I come to the bonfire planned for a few nights after my return. I suddenly felt like a little bit of an outsider and it was clear that Jake (who was feeling much better, apparently) hadn't expected me to tag along but everyone seemed so happy and carefree that I actually enjoyed myself.

" _I_ seem different?"

Leah had had such pretty hair when we were little—it took me years to figure out how to deal with my waves, but hers was pin-straight and Becca and I had always been jealous. Now it was cut short, to the bottom of her ears.

She rolled her eyes. "No, like…"

At that moment Paul walked behind us, and though we had only exchanged a few words since that earth-shattering feeling I still turned and smiled. I felt delirious, he was gorgeous and I didn't how the wall I had built up against boys who were hot and knew it and would use it to get what they wanted had crumbled down so easily.

"…Oh."

After that, Leah closed up again and left without saying goodbye.

I only heard about her and Sam's break-up secondhand, and at this point it felt like too little too late to ask even if Sam was at the bonfire too. They seemed cordial even if their dynamic was of course totally different from what I remembered. I had spent a lot of late nights during high school hanging out with them and my sister and of all the things that had happened over the last few days, that they were no longer together made the least sense.

It took me until everyone was packing up to realize that Sam was there with another girl, and he had put a ring on her finger just like he had with Leah.

* * *

We had stilted conversations. I learned that he was born in Tacoma (a plus), that his parents were divorced and his mother had remarried. She called him on his birthday but he hadn't seen her in four years. Without even really meaning to, I told him more about my mother than I told most people (which admittedly wasn't much at all).

Something was there but I couldn't pinpoint it. I felt inexplicably drawn to him, but it was different from previous crushes or mere attraction—I felt like there was something in him that _understood_ , that would understand, like he contained depths that I wanted to know and would never tire of.

Although we didn't touch, I felt like there was a persistent buzzing anytime he was close. Talking got easier. I wanted him to be close. He looked at me like he genuinely wanted me, as I was, and so I began to trust that he was good and _good for me_ even though I didn't understand why.

After I had been back in La Push for a week, I was sat down and told that the legends I had heard as a child were all true.

"Who else?"

 _Quil. Sam. Embry. Jared_ , who I had only recently met but had heard a lot of from Paul. _Seth. Leah. Paul._

"Why didn't he tell me?" I blurted out. My father and brother exchanged a look.

"Wait, _Leah_?"

I only realized later that perhaps the only thing keeping me from being another female shapeshifter was the fact that I had gone away. Leah obviously thought of all of this as a curse. For some reason, I had been spared. She was colder than I remembered her to be, but over time things became easier. I genuinely wanted her happiness, and though it took her a while to come around I understood why my involvement in the Pack – "with all the perks, but none of the drama" – would be jarring to anyone in her position.

I had a lot of questions but after a while both my dad and Jake insisted that I go to Paul for more answers.

He gave them, and afterward the first words out of his mouth were an apology.

I hugged him because I didn't know how else to respond. I told him that it was okay, it explained a lot of things and really I just wanted us to be on the same page. I couldn't promise anything more and he didn't want me to.

I didn't want him to be forced into anything, but he assured me that that wasn't the case. That he had seen me around as kids and had a feeling about me ("Weird. But good. You were cute."). He had heard my father brag about my success in college and seen me through Jacob's childhood memories and though the _imprint_ didn't force love he didn't need to be forced to genuinely like me.

* * *

 _I'm not an Emily or a Kim._

"Well, good, because I don't want either of them. It was you for a reason. It's about you and who you are and who I am, it doesn't have any guarantees about the future. We don't think it has to be romantic, that's just how it turned out with them because some feelings were already there."

"Neither of them are delicate little angels, you know. Emily's like the nicest person I've ever met but she can be scary. And Kim's wicked smart. She has a bunch of little siblings and she can hold her own, she's tough. They're good people but they're also what the guys needed-what the Pack needed. Which is part of why that love's so easy, we all need each other even when we butt heads, which we do because there are a lot of different personalities."

 _What was it like? To phase._

"Shock of my damn life. I, uh, thought I had gotten slipped something extra."

* * *

I genuinely liked Paul. I had liked him before I had understood the implications of what truly knowing him would entail. Knowing that he could burst into a giant furry wolf at will didn't change that.

I liked being able to talk about my mom to someone whose own emotions about her weren't so complicated. I had gotten almost too good at avoiding a lot of talk about parents at school, but he listened and asked questions and smiled over old pictures and let me take my time.

He didn't have a mother either, not really, and while his was a different kind of loss, one marked by another person's selfishness rather than a complete and unfillable void he didn't have to try very hard to draw up sympathy. When he did, it wasn't cloying.

"She'd love you," I said breathlessly when I saw him draw for the first time, and when his warm arms came around me it was all I could do not to cry.

He's there, he's almost always there but he doesn't smother me.

Despite my best efforts to take it slow and rationalize every step of what this was, I realized that I was already halfway in love with him. And suddenly the rest of the world could wait.

* * *

"Sam is worried that I'll hurt you."

I had heard he had a temper, but he hadn't given me any reason to be afraid of it yet. His bitterness had never been directed towards me.

"You wouldn't hurt me." He winced. "What? Why would he even think that?"

"Emily's scar."

" _No._ "

"He didn't mean it, though, that's the thing, he doesn't know if I'd be able to help it—"

He grabbed my left hand but had already turned it over before I could pull away.

"Oh, Rachel." He whispered, and as he hugged me I understood that he couldn't hurt me anymore than I had already hurt myself. Staying in La Push was healing. I needed my family, and that now included the Pack.

* * *

I could see how he held his own with Sam and called Jake out on the constant moping that isn't all like my brother. Even Emily held a unique respect for him ( _all of them, she loves all of them_ but Paul is the only one who jokes with her like he isn't worried about his overly protective Alpha). I liked seeing his overt physicality and how that bled into his interactions with his brothers, leaning on the back of Embry's chair as he ate and constantly challenging Seth to race, usually stopping only once the youngest of the Pack has won.

They've each settled into their roles since the trouble last spring, he tells me. It's been a quiet summer and they've all felt better able to breathe. He's calmed down too, he's slower to phase and the fights with Jake had all but stopped until I came back.

I couldn't even be angry with my brother. He had changed. I didn't know how to bring the smile back to his face, it was hard enough when we were eight and twelve. I tried to tell him that there are some people who will never leave him but I have struggled with believing this myself.

I wanted him to know that I would stay if he or my dad asked, that it wasn't just Paul and that they would still always matter more. Even so, I couldn't help but think that they looked at me and already considered me gone.

* * *

He had never been on a plane before but Dad had bought my ticket months ago as a graduation gift and I couldn't see myself leaving him for five whole days. Not with things as they were. It was too early to put a name on it, but when I told him I would be flying to visit Rebecca in Hawaii he started shaking. He had gotten so good at keeping that under control in the short time we've known each other that it scared me. When I offered to loan him some money to pay for his own ticket it only took a little bit of convincing.

Sam needed more convincing, but considering that I didn't really care what he thought and they had never had the opportunity to test the power of the Pack bond across miles of open water, Emily had a fairly easy job of it as well.

"You know he only looks at you like that," Emily had whispered in my ear the previous weekend when we were all eating pancakes. If any of the guys besides Jake heard they didn't let on, and when he muttered something that sounded rude I gleefully used up the last of the syrup and passed him the empty bottle.

The idea of giving myself over to someone fully, which I felt was inevitable at that point, scared the hell out of me but when the plane took off Paul held my hand without saying anything. He was constantly showing me that he cared without drawing attention to it or making me feel like I owed him anything in return. He was different. Everything about this was different.

It was important to me that my family like him, and if I couldn't get that from my dad or Jacob then I needed it from my twin.

* * *

 **A/N again because I don't shut up: Originally this was going to be a four-parter but it will probably end up being somewhere between five and ten now.**

 **Also, I did the research and math only to find out that Meyer didn't, I guess? Because apparently Rachel and Rebecca were born in 1988, but for Rachel to graduate college in 2006 she would have had to finish college in two years. Bless her. That isn't how it works for normal people. So I'm making the twins a year older than Sam/Leah/Emily. Also, if Paul and Jared were the same age as Jacob/Quil/Embry, they would have had to have phased at 14 (since they were both already phased when Sam imprinted in 2004). So I made them both a year older as well - born in 89 instead of 90.**

 **Sorry for boring stuff but I couldn't deal with the mental anguish of trying to figure out different birthdays to fix SM's math for her and _not_ share. **

**Feedback makes me want to update faster! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

When Rebecca and I went to Oahu together after our high school graduation I didn't expect to be coming home alone. She had met Solomon Finau on the second night of our trip and from then on he had barely left my sister's side. He had a quiet confidence and broad shoulders; I could see why she liked him. He was also six years older than us. We had always had very different taste in guys. I guess my growing interest in Paul confirmed that.

I've never been big on sitting still and I'd been having trouble sleeping lately, which didn't make sense to me. I was on my last few weeks of freedom before I was expected to start working remotely for an IT firm in Portland. My body knew I needed to start getting on a real, adult sleep schedule, but it was resisting me every step of the way.

It wasn't a big surprise that I passed out almost as soon as we took off, but I only got a nap in before a bump of turbulence shook me awake. I looked over at Paul to see him happily exploring the wonders of in-flight entertainment.

"Oh, you're awake." He shot me a cheeky smile. "I watched the fourth Harry Potter without you."

"You _didn't_." I sat up abruptly, tapping at my TV screen. We had recently discovered that we were both fans and had been waiting for Forks Public Library to get _Goblet of Fire_ on DVD so we could have a marathon. We would probably be waiting a good while, given their track record.

"Nah, I wanted to but not without you. I watched _40 Year Old Virgin_ instead, thought it would help to know what Jake's future would look like."

"You're so funny." I pulled up the hood of my sweatshirt, rolling my eyes.

They were getting along better, I knew, but it was mostly for my sake. Both still got a weird pleasure out of pushing each other's buttons, though I sometimes got the feeling that it was exaggerated for a laugh at my expense.

"I don't hate him or anything, he's just fun to make fun of."

"I understand completely." He was preaching to the choir; Rebecca had been Jake's main tormentor when we were kids but I wasn't completely innocent. Ours had been the polar opposite of Leah and Seth's brother-sister relationship for a long time. He was an easy target, taking it with a level head until you turned your back on him, but our mom's death had made us much closer. Of course I adored him now, though I was getting tired of hearing him whine about girls—really it was only _one_ girl.

"I did save you some snacks though, they already came by."

I gave him a confused look. I had never seen him turn down food and I didn't think he had the self-control not to eat whatever was in front of him.

"The flight attendant gave me extra." He clarified. Without looking at me, he pulled my tray down and gifted me with three mini bags of pretzels.

"Oh, did she," I smirked. "A _lady_ flight attendant? A _girl_ gave you extra food?" I poked at his toned forearm.

I tried not to let it bother me—because, honestly, what right did I have to feel anything like jealousy—but it was impossible to miss the looks other girls gave Paul. Prettier girls. Girls who would probably drop everything to be with someone like him and who the hell was I to keep him at arm's length when he didn't even have the ability to be with anyone else…

"Stop." He said, but he was laughing. I had nearly forgotten we were in a very public, very cramped three-passenger row when a loud _ahem_ came from over my shoulder.

I quickly shut up, mortified, but noticed Paul moving up the armrest between our two seats out of the corner of my eye.

"She was wearing a ring. I think your claim's pretty safe." He whispered, wrapping an arm around my right shoulder so that I was suddenly much closer to him. "You're shivering. Turn on Harry Potter."

"We've talked about this, I don't want any _claim_ …" I didn't understand how any kind of healthy relationship could be based on need rather than want. I needed him close to me, I wanted him to know me, but what good could ever come out of a dynamic like ours that was marked by a clear lack of free will?

"It does get easier," Emily had reassured me. Even though I had been wary of her at first, Paul was right. It was impossible to dislike Emily. She had a softness that Leah lacked, even though it was still difficult for me to understand why this made her the better one for Sam. I liked Leah's bluntness and I had always gotten the impression that he had too, even though I knew that the seriousness of their relationship at such a young age been a little unsettling for both of them.

"I know it's strange and it makes you feel weak and needy at times, and I'm like you, I'm not used to feeling dependent on someone either…But it settles, after a while. The needing. Once the wolf is sure that you're giving him a chance, and that you aren't scared."

 _"Or maybe it will be different for you. I chose him and I don't regret it. You can do whatever you want, Rachel, but Paul's a good person and I think you are too."_

Paul was used to my anxiety-fueled rants by now, my worries about me becoming his jailer, and he had figured out that the only way to nip my fears in the bud was to keep them from being verbalized. We had talked our way in circles around the imprint too many times already, never really addressing it head-on because for either of us to say out loud that it _meant something_ was to say _I feel something and I think you should too_.

"Rachel. Eat your damn pretzels."

"Shouldn't I be the one comforting you? You're in a metal box thousands of feet off the ground."

He took one of the bags of pretzels off my tray and dropped it in my hand.

"I've done weirder things, babe."

* * *

"Checking bags seems like a money and a time-suck," Paul had said when we were buying his plane ticket. I had agreed; I had managed just fine with a carry-on the last time I had been here. "And aren't you supposed to wear fewer clothes in Hawaii anyway? What?"

Since we were able to skip baggage claim, I didn't expect to see my sister already waiting for us, but there she was. We had Skyped sometimes once we figured out how to use it, but I hadn't seen her in person since she had come home for Christmas two years ago. She looked happy. I was happy for her even if she had to be thousands of miles away to really feel at home.

"I heard your flight was delayed a little bit and the A/C in my car is being a butt again so I couldn't wait outside," Rebecca explained after I had thoroughly hugged her. "Times like these I really wish Jake was around. Speaking of Jake, he's told me a lot about _you_."

I didn't need the confirmation, I was well aware that there was a lot about Paul that was objectively attractive even without my personal bias, but when my sister hugged him and leaned around his bicep to mouth a swear I still felt pretty good about myself.

Rebecca and Solomon lived about forty minutes from the airport in Kaimuki and the size of the bathroom on the plane made Paul nervous so she doesn't have to wait long to get me alone. "Tell me what's going on."

"There isn't a lot to tell."

"Don't start with that, there's obviously something if you brought him here. And it's only been going on since graduation—Jesus, girl, I didn't know you moved that fast."

"It's different than with other guys." It was. My only somewhat serious boyfriend in college hadn't wanted me to hang out with any of his guy friends, for one, and now I was constantly in the company of half-naked teenage boys.

"I'll say."

"Becca, you're married."

She winked at me. "Happily. I just would've thought if one of us were robbing the cradle it would've been me, that's all."

"Don't remind me about that."

"I can hardly judge you and I wouldn't. It's just unexpected. But exciting. And anyone who can go toe to toe with our brother and still want to stick around is obviously special. He's good in my book."

* * *

"I'm sorry we're only having pizza."

"Said no one ever."

My sister and Paul had quickly warmed up to each other and I was living for it.

"Sol's the cook around here—he's in California competing."

"That's so badass, that you're married to a surfer."

"It really is. I'm not in college full-time—I'm not as smart as _Rachel_." They both smirked at me. "But I take some classes here and there and when we have to introduce ourselves that's my go-to. And no one ever believes it at first, that I'm married or that he's just that sick."

I hadn't seen Solomon since I left Becca in Hawaii, so I wasn't sure what to expect. They had gotten married after only a few days and though I had agreed to be a witness for their wedding I had thought they were both crazy. She had casually dated through high school but she had never seemed to be too keen on the idea of marriage, at least not anytime soon. Our parents had gotten married fairly young too, but at least Dad had waited for Mom while she was going to college in Seattle. I knew that he still hadn't gotten over the fact that Becca hadn't just stuck with the college plan and held off on a wedding so she could do something similar.

" _I don't think it could ever be anyone else. Do you trust me?"_

So I had come back to the reservation alone, and even when my dad spent hours on the phone begging her to come back she had told him flat-out that her life was here now.

It had turned out okay, if their approaching three year anniversary was any sign. But I knew that it still hurt our dad that he never met his son-in-law and that his second daughter had only been able to find happiness so many miles away. Not for the first time, I wished that Rebecca hadn't been so impulsive.

"I get up early these days," she told me as she showed me the guest bedroom. "So don't feel weird if you hear that I'm up, I want you to feel comfortable here. I'll try not to wake up the hunk."

Rebecca had gotten the message and had directed Paul to sleep on the couch downstairs. ("I just hope you'll fit.")

"I'll remember to knock in case you change your mind," she told me slyly.

I closed the door in her face. "Good niiight."

* * *

I still couldn't sleep.

When I heard Rebecca's bedroom door close across the hall I snuck downstairs and found that Paul had moved from the couch to the floor.

"You look comfortable." I crouched down next to his pile of blankets. Without opening his eyes he moved over onto his side to make room for me.

"You're going to get too warm." He protested as I laid down next to him, even though he was the one who had offered in the first place.

"I opened the window when I came in."

He grunted and opened his eyes as I nudged him closer to the couch. He had fallen asleep in my bed at home before, dead on his feet after a night of patrolling, but this was a kind of intimacy we hadn't exactly explored yet. That, and I didn't think waking up in a pool of my sweat would help anything.

"Your eyes are so pretty." I told him, and as much as I was teasing him it was also completely true. I thought he was overall pretty beautiful until he opened his mouth, and I had convinced myself that I wasn't being shallow if I still liked him even then.

"You're fucking dangerous." He closed them again but he was smiling and I snorted into his pillow. "Go to sleep."

I was quiet for a long time and figured that he had actually fallen asleep. I didn't know how he was when he was sleeping. Sharing a bed with someone in a situation that wasn't completely platonic wasn't something I was used to. I was self-conscious. What if I did weird things in my sleep and my roommates had all just been too nice to tell me about it? Would _he_ tell me?

I was curled up, desperately trying not to touch him, but couldn't get comfortable in that position and rolled onto my left side. As if he sensed my movement, he moved onto his right side in the same instant so that we were facing each other.

He shifted and for a second I was nervous that he might expect more than just this but he was only trying to give me more of his pillow. I touched his arm, stopping him.

"So."

"So." He repeated back.

My hand was still on his arm.

"I…I thought I was fine for the longest time but I didn't realize how much I was trying to just get through life the way I thought I was expected to, and...I'm just glad that I'm here with both of you. I'm really glad you came. I know it's not easy, being away. Thank you."

"No problem." He reached over to rub my back. "I'm not going anywhere. But it's been almost forty eight hours since I phased and that's a new record, so if you wake up covered in fur try not to freak out."

Laughing, I caught his hand in mine before he could pull away again. This felt okay. His hand was warm, there was no mistaking who it belonged to, but it wasn't _so much_ that I needed to spend time thinking about what it meant and what it might mean to him. Neither of us needed to be so careful. Jake and my dad weren't around to scoff, the Pack wasn't there to tease us and Rebecca had only the vaguest idea of what 'us' even was. I slept more easily than I had in weeks.

I woke up to a spot of sunlight on the rug by my face and Paul pulling one of the blankets over me.

"Don't leave." I said groggily, finding him out of reach.

"I really need to go for a run, Rach."

I yawned and could hear the smile in his voice as he kept speaking. "I'll probably just go like this, I don't know if there's anywhere safe to phase, but I need to go burn some stuff off. I'll be careful, promise." Before I could protest he kissed me hastily on the cheek and was gone.

 _You're making this hard_ , I thought dimly, but it didn't take long for me to fall back asleep.

I dozed for a little while but I could hear a mug clinking against counter-top and knew that Rebecca had gotten up.

"I didn't leave you down here." She said, turning towards me as I padded into the kitchen.

"We were talking and I fell asleep."

"Mm, sure."

I stared at her, trying not to smile. She looked pretty pleased with herself. "Do you have coffee?"

"Where did your man go then, is he making himself decent?"

"No, he went for a run." My _man_. Honestly.

"Of course, he has to keep his figure." She shot me an exaggerated sultry look over the top of her mug but couldn't keep a straight face and we both quickly dissolved into a fit of laughter.

"It's really not like that, I swear."

"I know, it's just sweet. I want you to be happy. I know there's a tiny age difference and that makes things a little trickier but don't let it scare you."

"In a few years it won't matter, right? And he's legal, it's not _wrong_." She nodded. "I mean, look at you and Sol."

"Yeah." She sighed, setting her mug down.

"Is everything not okay?"

"I love him, it's just hard. He's gone a lot so it's been rough lately. I know that's what I signed up for and we're both trying but it's just not as easy to be on the same page when you're not even in the same time zone all the time. And I can't always go with him…"

On the phone she had always glossed over any trace of unhappiness, always the optimist, so this was news to me. That was likely my fault – she had been my rock from two thousand miles away for so long. What worried me more was that my sister wasn't looking at me.

"Becca?"

She sucked in a breath. "I'm pregnant."

* * *

 _A/N: I know this is a cop-out, clichéd ending to a chapter but since I've been writing this as one long dialogue-heavy jumble over the past month I'm having to work at where to split it up. I wouldn't pull the drama card with a minor character for no reason, this means something to Rachel and will have an impact on her relationship with Paul. (It's also been an element of this story for as long as it's been in my head so it was never going anywhere, lol.)_

 _It might be a few days before I get the next chapter up because one of my classes is starting this week but I am writing everyday and working on ideas for some other stories too. I'm constantly thinking about writing and coming up with new little bits I want to include in the middle of the day so I'm so glad that I finally bit the bullet and decided to get this out of my head and into words. I hope you're enjoying it too! Reviews, follows, even constructive criticism – I'll take it all._

 _I added a cover image to this story as well - I'm at a point in the writing process where the picture does mean something to me, but it's more of a placeholder and subject to change._


	3. Chapter 3

A few weeks before my mother died, she had sat down with Rebecca and I and gave us the full rundown on periods. We had known they were coming, of course, but we had learned about them in bits and pieces (brought about when Jacob had, as a toddler, emptied the contents of the bathroom cabinets onto the floor, liquids and all) and never the full story.

"Sue just about hit the ceiling when I told her I hadn't had this conversation with you two yet," she had told us afterward. "It's important for you both to have as much information as possible so that when it happens you aren't scared. Just come to me and I'll help you."

"Does it hurt?" Rebecca had always been terrified of pain; from when our little brother started talking he had demanded that he receive his flu shot first every year just so he could stick it to her when he didn't cry.

"Only a little, baby. It's mostly just annoying. But we'll get ice cream and watch movies and it will all be fine."

"And none for Jake."

Mom laughed and I remember now, it doesn't come all at once, she had been braiding my hair. In this one I can't tell you what she looked like.

"It's so someday, if you want, you can have babies, and when that happens you won't be able to remember any of the bad parts."

It was raining when they buried her. Four days later Rebecca had woken me up in the middle of the night and I helped her find where Mom had kept the pads.

So it had been like this: we took all of the moments with her that we missed and we kept going together.

"Are you for real?" I shouted, pulling Rebecca into a hug. We both started crying and laughing and I had never known that I could be so overwhelmed by my own happiness.

* * *

"Blacks make a lot of girls but this one's a boy." Rebecca stated confidently, putting a hand on her completely flat stomach. "I've always liked the name Finn, but Finn Finau, the kid would get his ass kicked."

I was still jumpy and happy and this had been the last thing I would have expected, I hardly knew what to say. Becca was going to have a _baby_.

"So how did that happen?"

My sister snorted. "Rachel. Do I need to call Dad? Did you lose that memory? Because I envy you if you did, oh my God."

"No! No no no no." I had almost entirely blocked that moment out. Our dad had faded in and out of all-consuming grief for a long time and in those moments when he was fully with us he had tried to overcompensate. We had quickly told him that we already had it covered and that it was probably Jake's turn. "I meant you would've told me if you were trying. So did you just wake up one day…"

"And say, 'Sol, I need you to put a baby in me right now. Whip it out." I still hadn't stopped smiling and laughing, my face was starting to hurt, but knowing my sister _that_ image honestly didn't seem too far off.

"You know we wanted kids eventually but whenever it came up it wasn't like something that we thought would happen for a while. I wanted to get my degree first, at least. But I wouldn't exactly be the youngest mom ever, anymore, and Sol will be 28 by then. I had to switch over birth control and we kind of figured, I don't know, it probably won't take right away but there's a pretty tiny window and if it happens then I guess we're just really meant to have a baby."

"It's not the weirdest thing, it's just crazy."

"I know. It's really freaking early on too—I missed my period right before Sol flew out and it probably wasn't the best time to tell him but I had to. And then I couldn't wait for him to come back to know for sure, I didn't want to just keep taking tests, so I saw the doctor yesterday." She smiled even bigger. "It's going to be an April baby."

Like our mom.

My heart was so full in that moment that I couldn't think about her on top of everything else. I was only reminded once again that there was going to be so much of life that she would never get to see, that we would never get to experience with her. I swallowed.

"So, what are you going to do about school?"

"It's not like Sol works full-time. We'll figure it out, we're okay with money right now." I had seen Sol's apartment three years ago, if they had been able to move here they obviously weren't struggling. We had been raised to be obscenely careful with money. I wasn't worried about them.

"When are you going to tell Dad and Jake?"

"I guess I was still kind of hoping that they would come with you...I know, I know, it's not the right time but I wanted to tell them in person too. We can call them together later."

I leaned over the counter and hugged her again. "I'm so glad you're here," she said softly, rubbing my back.

"Me too." I pulled away, rubbing at my eyes. "You guys are good, though? This is a good thing."

"It will be. I'm happy, we both are, it's just never been the easiest but that's part of what makes it good. I don't want to scare you. I love him, it only gets better, just in a different way than I would have expected."

She set about pouring coffee for me but I felt like I didn't even want it anymore. I had slept well and I felt like I could burst, I certainly didn't need caffeine.

As I was handed a mug with a forest scene printed on the side she hesitated. "I'm going to sound like an old married lady for a second, so bear with me and then we don't have to talk about it. I don't see any point in waiting forever once you've found the right person, Rach, and if you think you have that you shouldn't worry what anyone else thinks. It's never going to be a Disney movie, the clouds aren't going to break open and birds aren't going to start singing, but I do think that when you know you know."

* * *

When Rebecca went upstairs to shower I started looking for stuff to start breakfast with, hoping to do something nice for her. I could tell Paul was back before he even got to the kitchen door.

"Could you hear anything?" My back was to him; I knew that Rebecca had never really liked eating meat—which hadn't been much of an issue in our house, we ate a lot of fish—but he was a serious carnivore and I didn't feel like having to go grocery shopping when this wasn't even my house.

"Nope." So he did phase, then. I wasn't surprised that he took the risk. "It was weird. I'm not used to that, after everything that's happened we try not to only have one of us phased. It was just like a dead signal. I didn't like it."

"Smell that and see if it's expired." I turned and shoved a package of bacon at him.

"I'll probably eat it anyway." He grumbled, but complied.

I would hate the sounds of other people in my own head. ( _Better stay away from the boyfriend, then_ , Sam had interjected. _Fiancé_ , Leah had corrected him, and both he and Jake had gotten a sour look on their faces.)

Yet, I knew the sense of camaraderie within the Pack hivemind well enough that I could imagine what it was like to suddenly be alone. Isolation was something I knew well, though I was only just now starting to realize how much of that had been my own doing.

Leah and I had started talking more over the last few weeks and it was almost like how it had been before (but Harry was gone and Jake was always sad and Seth wasn't a cute little kid with missing teeth anymore).

"It isn't that you're different now. I think everything else is." She had told me, tucking her legs under herself and letting me hug her. I was happy to have her back.

"I think it's good." Paul had the package open and was sticking his whole face inside.

"Oh my God, don't eat it _raw_." I put my hand on Paul's shoulder and he interlaced his fingers with mine, squeezing gently.

"Too much?" He asked when I started to smile.

"No, just enough."

"So what's up?" He was still eyeing the bacon and I tossed it onto the counter.

"My dad's going to be a grandpa."

"Oh, _shit_. He'll love that."

"At this rate I'm sure he'll just be glad it's his _married_ kid and not Jake, she'll suddenly be the good one."

"You're pretty good."

"Help me make breakfast. Stop stalling."

"And smart. That's three things."

I groaned despite the attempted compliment. "That bacon's going to start crawling away and trying to be cute isn't going to make me cook for you. You better get cracking."

* * *

"I can't believe you've never been to an aquarium," my sister tells Paul, who is sitting in the backseat of her car. Given the A/C situation, I had figured that it was smart to get him as far away from the both of us as possible.

There was a marine life center in Port Angeles that we used to beg our parents to take us to a few times a year. Becca's favorite had been the otters, I had liked the touch tanks and Jake had mostly just moped about there not being any sharks.

"I did go to the zoo in Tacoma on a field trip but we skipped that part." He shrugged. "My parents were never big on doing family things like that."

Paul's father was a decent guy, I had met him in passing. He had intimated to me that he drank too much and so I got the sense that he didn't exactly want us to spend a lot of time together.

" _He did try, to do the dad thing, he moved us back here because he thought it would be good for me and his dad was sick. He's just never been a really happy person. I think he's just tired. He went off to college and got a good job and met my mom and she's Mexican native, you know, I think they bonded over that because they were both away from home. For a little while I think he felt like he was set for life but they fought so much, Rach. It was really bad. So he came back. I don't think he ever really wanted to. I know he cares, but we mostly just co-exist now. Sometimes we'll watch hockey together."_

" _I already felt like I couldn't tell him anything."_

My heart hurt for him. It was so strange, this secret, how it bonded people like us together and made the ties between Jake and my dad and me even tighter but selectively excluded those like Paul's dad and Embry's mom. And Rebecca. None of us would ever be the same. Paul shouldn't have had to deal with the weight of protecting an entire town at fifteen. Sue Clearwater shouldn't have to worry if this will take both of her children, as it has already taken her husband. Kim shouldn't have to lie to her parents when they ask why she is insistent on attending Peninsula over the countless other schools that could have accepted her.

It had uprooted so many more lives than just the phased.

I knew it wasn't entirely fair to blame Bella Swan, but I did. And I would never understand why my brother refused to see how much harm she had done to all of us. How much harm she could still do.

We walked around the aquarium together, chatting about Rebecca's schoolwork and my graduation. I skimmed over the fact that Jacob didn't make it to the ceremony and told myself that if she saw pictures, the story would be that he had taken them. For the first time I was grateful that she lived so far away. We would never be able to tell her anything of what had been going on for the last two years. It was easier this way. I would rather know that my sister was happy in another state and what felt like a different world than have to lie to her face everyday.

I saw how she looked at the colorful fish with amazement, the same way we did when we were kids, and I was grateful that she was here, far away. Safe. That I was in the know, but safe and protected, and that my brother, though at greater risk, was backed by seven others who would risk their lives to save his if need be. That even he and Paul would put their occasional animosity aside to protect each other, so that no one has to lose anyone else.

Rebecca got distracted looking at a coral reef environment and Paul and I wandered into the next room, where there was a floor-to ceiling tank filled with moon jellyfish. It was darker in there. The jellyfish didn't seem to be very popular today, we were alone, but something about the little orbs of light moving around in forever-black water fascinated me.

"Jesus, imagine getting caught in one of those things." A clump of a few jellyfish were tangled in each other's tentacles and jerking each other around. I couldn't tell if they were actually fighting or if it was only over food. It reminded me of what happened on the daily in Emily's kitchen.

"When we were all little Quil found a jellyfish that had washed up on First Beach and I guess it was still alive because he screamed bloody murder. After that we all had to wear shoes."

"He touched it with his foot?"

"I never said he was _smart_." He laughed and I'm reminded yet again of the gap in the ways we know each of the guys and Leah. Aside from Jared, each of them played some role in my childhood. I was varying levels of close with each of them, but of course it was different now. (Jared was teaching me how to play poker, and if I had known him three years ago I probably would have found him insufferable. That would have been on me.)

But Paul was able to see what they kept hidden from the rest of the world; he knew even those things that they may deny to themselves. It made trusting him easier. I knew that if he had even the smallest bit of ill will towards me I would be defended. The desire to protect extended out to the rest of the wolves as well. I knew this because both Seth and Leah were set off when I dropped a glass at their house last week.

 _This is bullshit_ , Leah had grumbled, even as she dug up a band-aid for the cut on my hand.

I would feel more secure if I could tell what _he_ was thinking, but I guess we had enough supernatural interference going on as it was.

"Wonder what it would feel like, though."

My curiosity was satisfied, though that revelation left something to be desired.

"You can ask him, I bet he remembers."

"I doubt it." A passing jellyfish illuminated his face enough so that I could see his smirk. I suddenly wasn't so sure that we were talking about the same thing. "Do you think he'll be the same as Sam and Jared? When she's older."

Quil had imprinted on Emily's three year old niece, Claire, a few days ago and everyone was confused—except for Quil, who was so over the moon happy that he didn't even realize how strange it all was. Though Sam hadn't killed him yet (and so it obviously wasn't anything remotely sexual) I was glad to get away from that mess for a little while.

 _Did it happen in twos? Would it stop, now that four pairs had been made—exactly half of the Pack?_

I didn't know how to answer his question; it held too much that we had both been hesitant to address.

"You were the one who told me that it sometimes involves feelings from before. And there is no before, for him." I said measuredly. "I guess we'll have to see."

He nodded and I wasn't sure if this was the kind of answer he was expecting or the one he had been hoping for. I still didn't know where his head was.

"They don't have any of the touching stuff. Not like…not like the others. Just closeness. I haven't seen him touch her at all, he doesn't think about it either."

"Well, I guess that's your answer."

"But that could change."

I looked at him and he raised an eyebrow. I couldn't tell him he was wrong.

* * *

While Rebecca poked around the gift shop Paul and I wandered over to the opposite wall to look at an educational display on whales.

"What would you think if we phased into these guys instead?"

I supposed that given our tribal history whales might make more sense than wolves, but he was being ridiculous on purpose. I didn't like to give him the satisfaction of laughing at his jokes and he knew it; he had gotten in the habit of presenting them more frequently and with increasing degrees of absurdity. The over-confident front he had put on in front of me at first had melted away to reveal more self-deprecation than I expected, but I liked him best when he wasn't trying to be funny or even trying at all. He didn't need to be anything more than what he already was.

"I feel like I'm going to not be able to go to sleep tonight now."

"Like, how do you think that would work logistically?"

"I really don't think it would work at all, actually."

"I guess it's a good thing then." He grinned at me.

Farther down on the wall the display changed its focus to endangered whale species, I leaned in to look at an artist's rendition of a beluga whale.

"You're thinking about her again."

"How the hell do you know that?"

"You get this lost look on your face, I haven't seen it for a while is all."

This was one of my favorite things about him, that he at least knew when to be quiet.

"We had a book when we were little, baby beluga, you know, that Raffi song." He remained silent and I continued, avoiding his eyes.

"I'm thinking about how far away ago that all feels and how I'm never going to get it back. I'm never going to get any of them back. Nothing's the same. Nothing's ever going to be like that ever again."

"I know." Usually his attempts to understand me were comforting, but I had started to realize that there was no way to explain how jarring coming home had truly been for me. So much of it was good that I felt selfish to be at all sad at how things had changed. The Pack existed for the good of the tribe and none of them could help that their priorities needed to be different.

But I was still bitter. The more time I spent with him, the less sure I was that anything real could be this good. The ball would have to drop sometime. I could want to stay in La Push for now, but what if the switch flipped? What if this—the feeling I got when he looked at me, the way he was now—wore off?

"You _don't_ know, you're just like everyone else. Jake and my dad and Leah and everyone else aren't the same people anymore. I didn't know you before. I don't know who any of us are going to be when all of this is over. We might not even like each other."

He got a weird look on his face. I could tell he didn't believe me; I didn't want to think that that last part was true either. "So what, then?"

"I have no idea. That's the point. For all you know this could be a waste of your time and at least you could still cut your losses now."

"Rach—"

"People change their minds. Shit happens. You can't pretend like nothing will ever happen."

"You can't detach yourself from people because you're afraid of them leaving, _damn_ it, Rachel."

For the first time since I met him I could see him getting visibly angry but we were in public and I was too close to him, too freaking close. He took a minute with his eyes closed, inhaling and exhaling, and when he opened them again he has re-centered himself.

"I'm not going to leave." He tells me solemnly.

"You can't be sure of that and you know it. You're seventeen, do you really think that if you stop phasing you won't stop feeling the way you do now-" I'm not thinking; I still don't know how to rationalize any of this, it's all spilling out.

"I _won't_."

His hand brushed against my arm and I could have pulled away ( _I knew I could_ ) but I didn't want to. If I wanted to give this a shot I would have to trust him. Up to this point he had had blind faith in me, and I knew I would do everything in my power to keep from hurting him even if I changed my mind later. I would just have to trust that he would do the same. He deserved this much.

"I'm the one who should be afraid that even after everything, you're going to leave." He continued.

"But you're not afraid of that."

"No, I'm not." His touch trailed down over my wrist, pausing briefly, and then to my fingers. I instinctively folded my hand over his. "Of course, you can. If you want. I wouldn't stop you. But you're the only person since all of this started that has never once looked at me like they're worried I'm going to hulk out and break something. I think you're curious and we get along and for now that's enough to make you stay. And I'll take that, I'll take it for as long as you need, Rach."

"But you need to know…you think you have years and years with a person and it doesn't always work out that way, you're lucky if it does, but I want that with you. _I_ do, not only the wolf." It had taken a lot for him to say this, I knew, and I couldn't help but believe him.

If it was naïve of me to hope that I would be able to see this out over years and maybe even a lifetime—to believe that he would always be there in some respect—then I suppose that I wasn't as smart as I had thought. I would take that, if it meant I could have him.

"I can't promise you anything." I told him.

"I haven't _asked_ you for anything." Touché. "The world's so freaking weird, Rach, but if there was ever anything good...You can't tell me you don't feel that." That electric feeling, smaller and easier to ignore when it was just our hands touching, but it leapt up when he moved his thumb across the back of my hand. "I don't even want you to feel like you have to try, I just really need you to know that I'm open to it and that if it doesn't work out that's fine. I'll be fine and you'll keep going but I think this could be alright too. So I'll be around."

"Right now you literally can't leave unless you want to swim."

He looked me in the eye and smiled in the way that was throwing-sand-on-a-fire, talking me down from my deepest fears. "I'm cool right here."

I was scared to lose him but the flipside of that was worrying that if I let him go I would be making maybe the biggest mistake of my life. We were both here for each other. For now, that was enough.

* * *

If Rebecca felt the shift between us now she didn't say anything. Something had changed. I could feel it. I didn't know quite what this would be just yet, but we had settled on that it was there, and meant something, and that was a step.

When I came to him again that night he was waiting in the dark and had already made room for me.

"You want me to close the window?" Any bravado he had shown me during the day was gone now, he seemed uncertain, and I realized that this was completely new for him too. Whatever girls there had been before (and I truly didn't want to know names or even a number, not now) hadn't had him in the way I could, if I wanted.

It was misting outside. Rain-on-a-window with me safe inside had felt like home all my life. I had gone away to school and found that I could replicate that feeling anywhere, it wasn't special. I wanted more than just that feeling; I wanted warmth from the inside out but I had had it for weeks and had pushed it away like it was more than I deserved. It wasn't fair of me to expect some kind of dramatic soul-bearing from him when I hadn't even been honest with myself. I was so sick of being careful.

" _No_."

I moved closer and as he opened his arms to me I felt needed and hoped-for and good. For the first time since I had met him I felt like a real person again. I had control over this thing. I could harness it just as the wolves had all had to learn how to discipline themselves.

This is what I been craving, heat on skin, and I never wanted to leave.

* * *

 **A/N:** I think it would be easy to jump from reading the above scene to assuming something else, but just to be perfectly clear…Nothing happens. Just cuddling. In my head, this is the kind of choosing to accept the imprint that Emily talked about last chapter. If you're hoping for lemons, go back and look at that T rating. (I don't feel comfortable writing it and I promise you that if I tried you would be disappointed anyway.)

If you can find the Taylor Lautner-related Easter egg in this chapter you may reap the never-ending rewards of understanding how dumb I truly am. That thought must have come from somewhere in my subconscious and I hate it.

My life is about to get much more busy so I'll write when I can but I can't give any kind of publish schedule right now except that this will have at least three more chapters plus an epilogue. That being said, if you don't want to miss the next chapter it would be a good idea to follow. 😊 Any kind of affirmation I get from you guys really makes my day, I put off writing this for so long because I didn't know if anyone else would actually care about these guys so long after the books and movies ended. You reading this at all means the world!


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